My experience of disgust — an important emotion to explore

During this morning’s walk an experience from my recent past came up for the second time in two days. Thanks Tamar and thanks nature for prompting my intuition.

In the last couple of months I had to shop for a present for my wife’s birthday. It was the first time in several months that I had gone for a luxury as opposed to a necessity shop.

I visited Anthropologie in my local shopping centre as it’s a very safe bet when shopping for my wife (funny how brands have almost turned into trusted friends).

I walked into a fairly empty shop and found myself having a very visceral response. I saw all the ‘nice stuff’ around me along with plastic and felt disgusted.

I felt like walking out but resisted as it wouldn’t have been fair on my wife. She deserves to be treated (and I would have been in trouble!). I felt even some level of disgust extending to my fellow shoppers.

Without going into details, I have come to find the retail experience more and more problematic. It is the pinnacle of consumerism which is problematic on many levels which I won’t cover here. The purpose of this piece is not intended to be judgemental (explicitly or otherwise) of shoppers, Anthropologie, my wife or me.

This piece is about the nature of disgust and what it is telling me.

I was in a state of hyper arousal — this emotion is intended to keep us safe by moving away from the origin of disgust. The original meaning is about the opposite of taste or choice.

My increased awareness of the whole ecosystem around consumerism, how it drives and feeds on our disconnections from ourselves, each other and nature has fed this feeling of disgust. This is not mentioning other externalities (as they are called in economic theory) such as the cost for sourcing raw materials and manufacturing which are often born in distant countries.

I am writing this to help me reflect on this (which is why I’ve hinted at where the disgust originates) and learn.

I attempt to buy ethically, locally, recognize and manage my addictions and reuse which helps but we are so captured in this system that it is difficult short of moving into a hut on top of a mountain.

This disgust does not originate from an isolated poisonous plant or piece of rotten meat. It feels, to some extent, unavoidable.

I also feel it is important to maintain this level of awareness whilst existing within this system to provide the ideas and motivation to find ways out. Without going mad!

As I write I realize the answer is to consistently make small improvements to my life. This is manageable. The big steps or the magic answer are delusional or dangerous. This is not how nature changes. It introduces intolerable amounts of stress.
Over time I can expand my ‘window of tolerance’ which is the zone where I am calm, cool, collected; able to emotionally self-regulate and self-soothe.

And spending time in nature is where I can find that window. And where my intuition is easiest to access to identify the small improvements. So my practice of spending time in and reflecting deeply on nature continues!