Member-only story
Awe on the mountain
I stumbled and slipped over the crest, leaving the stalker’s track that had become a stream onto the shoulder of the mountain.
I felt a sense of relief barely noticing any sense of achievement. Recognising the risk from my lack of experience and wondering where I was on the spectrum between foolish and fun.
As I walked slowly and pondered whether to continue up or go back down, I felt the fear. I looked around me at the awesome hills with no humans in sight. The realisation hit me that there was no interest in me from these hills. It was beyond lack of interest. That would suggest they were in some way aware of my existence.
I could die here without comment. My life, my death, my passing — none of these things would alter the course of these hills which run on a geological timescale.
As the fear passed I yearned for human company. Other humans WOULD care! I wondered what this feeling had to tell me. And in what context? Intuitions and insights but always leaving questions unanswered.
I am writing this in a search for awe. I have noticed the feeling several times over the last year and, in noticing, saw its utility. Felt the desire to seek it out as a practice. And, having gone seeking it and complicating it with timetables, costs and travel logistics I have sought simplicity and ease again.
Which brings me here, writing a story of my personal experience of awe. I notice how this experience was dominated by fear and a rush back to human company. But I am still drawn to this experience. Perhaps the appeal of dancing on the edge of danger, to experience the beauty but without being overwhelmed with terror!
And here is a video I recorded, reflecting on the experience and trying to tease out the meaning.
