Anger — using emotions to self coach
In these confusing, paradoxical and disruptive times, I am trying to find my way through and am finding sharing my story helpful.
Hopefully for others as well as me.
It has been a while since I’ve written anything here. There have been plenty of things I could have explored but nothing that inspired me to write.
I’m inspired this morning. By anger. Or more importantly recognizing that I’m angry and I suspect getting in my own way. Blocking the flow of energy.
I wrote on LinkedIn last week about feeling down and how I used this as feedback and a gift that I needed to use. Nature uses feedback mechanisms constantly. I have learnt through my coaching in nature training that we need to listen to our whole body, not just the rational mind.
I was in my coaching training yesterday with Tabitha (our teacher) and Jim and as a result of my coaching (we practice every week) I realised that I was finding the deliberate practices of listening to my emotions powerful and motivating.
So I woke up this morning and thought about my search for income and the types of jobs that I could apply for (i.e. anything that pays an income for which I am qualified and capable and inspires me) and felt the anger rising.
I read the role descriptions and got angry with a way of working that puts you very squarely into a box (which is ALWAYS a poor fit even if it doesn’t make you angry!), reflecting a way of thinking that treats individuals as cogs and denies our individuality.
My anger moved on to the status quo where this is the normal way of being and making opportunities available. Certainly to the average joe. Apparently we should be networking to find opportunities and there is the much referenced ‘hidden job market’ which is not advertised.
I felt forced to consider these roles and try to be open-minded and consider the possibilities.
Look at the organisation and the culture. If you find the right values, the right purpose and good leadership then maybe, just maybe the mechanistic approach where we are all cogs is not what happens inside the organisation.
As I sat with my anger, I realised it was mainly fear.
Fear of taking a decision which trades off my freedom and compromising my beliefs against the need to generate an income.
The self-judgement comes next. I am in a lucky position being a house owner. Maybe I’ve got a hefty mortgage but I’ve got many more options than the majority.
Who am I to think my beliefs should trump the need for an income and supporting my family?
Just get over yourself and ‘suck it up’ as they say.
I know that self-judgement is unhelpful and stops useful, productive exploration or action taking.
Interestingly I am not getting this judgement from anyone in my family — I’ve created it all myself. Echoes of the past (and the present) when parents would ‘sacrifice’ themselves for their children’s future perhaps.
I’m sitting with these feelings and trying to sense what action I should take under these circumstances.
Using time in nature to allow my intuition to work, I took a walk in the woods.
‘Do what gives you joy’ a quiet voice said to me.
I don’t need an answer but a way forward.
This feels like a helpful principle for me. And I’m already applying it. Joy for me is doing something unconventional, something adventurous just to see what happens. Engaging in conversation with a company that attracts me on LinkedIn by starting a curious conversation in response to their learnings/insights.
Building the capabilities that allow us to connect with each other and nature is joyful for me — continuing to engage with my community to facilitate grassroots democracy through methods that ensure all voices are heard and creating a partnership across the community and with the council.
Continuing to use coaching with nature to help others with transformation — this is hard and challenges me in many ways. But it helps me grow and I am inspired by the possibility that I can be part of helping others grow.
Something will emerge.